A friend rang me after an interview recently, half-laughing, and said, “They told me they just want people to bring their whole self to work. We’re a family here.”
Then she added, “Which sounds lovely. But also… are they sure?”
…more laughter.
“Bring your whole self to work” does sound lovely, doesn’t it? It’s warm and progressive-sounding. And while I understand the intention behind it, a part of me raises an eyebrow and thinks… erm, no!
As we talked it through, she started wondering what would have happened if she’d taken them at their word.
If she had truly brought her whole self to work, she suspects they might have regretted it by about 10:17am on day one.
Her whole self includes the version that needs three coffees before forming a coherent sentence. The one who talks to herself while working things out. The one who spirals into an internal monologue about whether an email sounded passive-aggressive and should be rewritten… again. The self who is capable, thoughtful, committed, yes, but also occasionally tired, slightly cynical, and very capable of swearing at a printer (we all have a side like this, we are human after all but we artfully hide it for professional sake of course).
Her whole self includes hormone fluctuations, a low tolerance for corporate nonsense, and a face that has never learned fully (to those of us who know her well) how to lie politely. It includes humor that’s dry and observational and sometimes is a bit too honest for open-plan offices. It includes days where she’s sharp and generous and completely on it… and days where she’s wondering what on earth we’re all doing here. Of course, her professional self would mask this well and still ensure she gets the job done just the same.
When organisations say “bring your whole self to work,” especially when it’s followed by “we’re a family here,” there’s usually a footnote in very small print nearby:
Bring your whole self to work*
(*As long as it’s upbeat, resilient, emotionally regulated, endlessly adaptable, and doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable.)
What they’re often asking for isn’t your whole self but your best-performing self. Your agreeable self and the version of you that has already processed life elsewhere and arrives neatly packaged, ready to contribute. Which, to be fair, is how most of us try to show up professionally anyway.
So when my friend asked whether it was bad that the phrase irritated her, my answer was that it’s okay to resent it a little. It implies an environment that will meet you exactly as you are, without really meaning it.
And we all know that if she truly brought her whole self to work, she’d need a later start, better snacks, fewer meetings that could’ve been emails, and a written agreement that sarcasm is not a performance issue.
And somehow… I don’t think that’s what they meant.
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